Kinks and Cocktails
Katie & Eve dive into the weirdest, wildest kinks you’ve ever heard and read jaw-dropping listener sex stories that’ll leave you blushing and binging for more. Clink, drink, and get some kink.
Kinks and Cocktails
Happy Hour • Fall Listener Stories
The air’s crisp, the drinks are warm, and our listeners are getting way too cozy this season! Katie and Eve dive into your hottest fall-themed confessions — from pumpkin-spiced hookups to costume party chaos. Grab a cocktail and get ready to fall into temptation!
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SPEAKER_00:This is Kinks and Cocktails, a podcast where we explore all things kink and all things drink. Kinks and Cocktails contains explicit content. Listener discretion is advised.
SPEAKER_01:Hi Eve.
SPEAKER_03:Hi Katie, how are you? Doing a lot better after those shots. How are you? Yeah, right? And way to go on the recipes. Thank you. Seriously, if you stop doing this, just go be a bartender. Thank you. It's gonna be amazing. I winged it. I I couldn't believe that. I said anything where it's what was it, caramel apple, uh uh worders in the middle?
SPEAKER_01:So I did it was a pumpkin pie spice, caramel um shot for one of them. And that was pumpkin spice, rum chata, and vanilla whipped cream vodka. And then over the rim, I did caramel sauce and a crush up where there's candy apple candies. And then that's a mouthful. For the other one and a part church and a pear drink. Yeah, absolutely. For the other one, I did just caramel vodka and like a apple sour apple vodka and another caramel room job. What's called a room job?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I mean it really was. It was around the rim of the shot glass.
SPEAKER_01:So but they were delicious. Should we which one did you like better?
SPEAKER_03:You know, you know, since I have this one in front of me, let's do this. I think the pie one, the pumpkin pie.
SPEAKER_01:So let's do it. We'll do it live on air. Cheers. Clink and drink. So good. Never gets old. I love these.
SPEAKER_03:And the caramel and the Worthers original really finish it off.
SPEAKER_01:I wish I would have bought a big giant bottle of each of these ingredients. I just got the mini bottles.
SPEAKER_03:I'm just gonna lick my fingers with that.
SPEAKER_01:That was licking fingers, ASMR. But no, speaking of those drinks, so I went to Total Wine today in Bloomington, and um I was like just walking around looking for fall-themed things, and it's Friday, so they're free sample Friday. So you know I had to hit all those up, right? And so I went up to one of them and I had the free sample. It was like a THC drink, and it was very delicious.
SPEAKER_03:Ooh, but was it a pie pumpkin spice tea?
SPEAKER_01:It was not, it was it was really good though. It was so good. They had just like they had just like the mocktail versions for a free sample.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But anyways, um, I was wearing my and That's Why We Drink podcast tank top, my shirt. And the person giving the free samples, they were like, Oh, I recognize your shirt. I listened to them too, and that's why we drink. I'm like, oh, cool. I was like, Yeah, they're they're awesome, they're great. I've seen them live a few times. And and I was like, Yeah, they actually inspired me to start my own podcast. And they're like, Oh, really? What is it? And I told them kinks and cocktails, and they got all super excited, and I was like, Oh, thank you so much. I said they were gonna check it out, and so I told them I'll give them a shout out. So, hi, Angel from Total Wine in Bloomington. You were awesome. Thank you for the free samples today. And here's your shout-out. I really appreciate it. You were lovely and great. Yeah, shout out to you, Angel. Absolutely. All right, so let's see. Should we move on to our snack pairing?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, let's do it. This was Eve's job, so yeah, and uh, I'll just preface this with these are not really snacks, they're more of um guilty pleasures. Um, this is my girl dinner. Are you kidding me? Yeah, I'm into it. Uh, sweet. So I can cook really well, apparently, for Katie. Yes. Yeah. So um again, this was just a tour around Target and uh various areas of the store in which we found a pretzel bites, not very fall themed, but they do pair very well with uh pumpkin spice covered uh pretzels and unpopular opinion, but candy corn.
SPEAKER_01:So I know we were trying, you said we were trying to save this discussion for the pod if you or I like candy corn or not. Yes. I think you already told me your answer or showed me your answer because you've ate like half of the tin already.
SPEAKER_03:I was like, get that away from me. I will just eat the whole thing, and it's it's actually still too close. I mean, it's an arm's length.
SPEAKER_01:I've had like one little candy corn and Eve's like I'm like just popping them like chips, they're delicious.
SPEAKER_03:Put some salsa on them.
SPEAKER_01:Safe to say, I'll I'll eat them, but I won't go out of my way to eat them. They're okay. I prefer the fake cheese that came with the pretzla bites.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, that was good too.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, give me that fake cheese.
SPEAKER_03:I'm really gonna love it. Really feeling buff after that snack, you know. Right. So healthy.
SPEAKER_01:Love it. Very fall themed. So yeah, we decided to ease into Halloween and do some light, like fall vibes for stories. Yeah. Yeah. For all the listener stories for this week. Um so we're not getting to all the quite scary stuff yet. Um, we have a couple weeks to go for Halloween. But if you do have a scary Halloween sexcapade story, please send them in at kinksandcocktails.com, or you can email us at kinksandcocktails at gmail.com. You can remain anonymous or not. Up to you. So yeah. Do you have any fall plans, Eve?
SPEAKER_03:Um, you know, just make it through winter. Survive. I know it's farther ahead than that, but you know, this is about the time when I mentally prepare myself for the cold that we're gonna experience in Minnesota.
unknown:Shh.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, exactly. I didn't say that. I don't know what you're talking about. Um, so it's uh there's I just start to mentally prepare around this time. So by the time December rolls around, then I can just say, Oh, well, you know, there's only a couple more months of really bad winter, you know, and then just maybe take a vacation in there somewhere to like ease it, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Just like get rid of part of it and get out of the get out of the cold for a while.
SPEAKER_01:A mid-winter and like the death of winter. That time is the perfect vacation time.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Absolutely. And I guess I do have some plans. I'm going to DJ at ADE next month. Okay. In Amsterdam, so rock on. Awesome. Oh, I miss Amsterdam. Ooh. So much fun. Have you been? I have not.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I'll tell you some some secret stuff later. Oh. Where to go, what to do. Oh, do tell. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. All right. Let's see. Well, um.
SPEAKER_03:What about you?
SPEAKER_01:I guess as far as stuff I have planned for fall, it's my birthday weekend.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it is.
SPEAKER_01:So I'll be uh yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, you'll be definitely older.
SPEAKER_01:Thanks. Thanks for the reminder. No. So we are doing like a birthday barbecue on Sunday at our friend's house. Um at our friend Joshua's. Shout out to Joshua. He'll be on as a co-host next week. Um but so we decided to make the birthday party. And this all started as a joke, okay? Yeah. Um, as frat party themed. Yeah. Because I never went to college, and I never have been to a frat party ever in my entire life. And it still started as like a joke because they're all telling like frat stories, and like, so Joshua is hosting this at his house for me.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And he's been in a frat. So, like, he's like, I got it, I got it. I got it in covered and like, oh god. So I'm kind of scared going into it, but I'm also very excited.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. We'll see what happens.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So the first thing I thought of when you said that was the movie Weird Science.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. Yes. Okay. And the reason I say that is because the two main characters are high school students and they bring they bring the most beautiful woman they've ever seen to life. Have you seen the movie? Yes, I have. Okay, great. So I'm like, hmm, that's not really frat-ish, but it's it's still high school, maybe going into college type of thing. So it just dresses Lisa from Weird Science. Yes. In the opening scene. Absolutely. That'd be perfect. Yeah. I already have the underwear for it.
SPEAKER_01:Um, let's see. I guess.
SPEAKER_03:Should we get rolling?
SPEAKER_01:Hang on. That reminded me of oh, reminded me of one more movie.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:The movie Old School with uh was it Will Farrell?
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Where he's like, everybody, we're going streaking. We're gonna run to the middle of the clo whatever, we're going streaking.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, that's a god scene. Perfect.
unknown:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:That deserves a piece of candy corn.
SPEAKER_01:Go for it. You can have one. I'll I had my one candy corn for the year. A singular one.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I had one for everybody on the planet, but there we go.
SPEAKER_01:You can have my share. I'll take all the fake cheese. Oh, but a quick little thing before we get started with stories, I did want to play a quick little game.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:A fall themed edition of Would You Rather? Oh, let's do it. I'm so good for this. All right. First one. Would you rather have sex in a pile of leaves or on a hay bale?
SPEAKER_03:Can I ask a follow-up question? Sure. Where is this pile of leaves located?
SPEAKER_01:I don't have an answer for that.
SPEAKER_03:I think the rule for these is there is no follow-up questions. Got it. Okay, then I'm going to go with you know what? I'm gonna go with a bay of hail. Same. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. A hay bale.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, same. I think because you can at least it's contained. Mm-hmm. A pile of leaves just reminds me of like bugs, insects. That's exactly what I thought of. Yeah, in all the wrong places.
SPEAKER_03:Creepy crawly things everywhere. Plus the shape of a hay bale. You know, it's like typically some sort of rectangle, right? You can just kind of like be on the edge and you don't really have to lean over it.
SPEAKER_01:Just imagine it. You're not like inside of it.
SPEAKER_03:Or are you?
SPEAKER_01:I well, to each their own. I'm not gonna judge you. However, if you can figure that out, more the power to, yeah. Nari, next one. Would you rather get cozy with someone in a cord maze or a haunted house? And it might get cozy and get busy.
SPEAKER_03:Haunted house, hands down, no question.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03:100% same. Yeah, if they're gonna scare us, you might as well try and scare this crap out of them. Yeah, I don't think scare them. I don't know. They might be into it.
SPEAKER_01:All right, here, hold my beer. I'll be right back. Well, I a haunted clown, a scary clown can watch me. That's fine. You can't unlock. Oh baby, oh baby. Let me honk your horn. Joking. Or am I? You're right back. Next one. Would you rather be seduced by a sexy scarecrow or a flirty pumpkin headed stranger? As in, let's pretend both of these are 100% real, just for the sake of this game. So we got a sexy scarecrow or a pumpkin head.
SPEAKER_03:What was the last pumpkin head person?
SPEAKER_01:Pumpkinhead person.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I don't know enough about the pumpkin head person. I'm going with the sexy scarecrow. Okay. No, we already got some positive there. It's a sexy scarecrow. The other one was flirty. Oh, yeah, definitely the sexy scarecrow. Okay. The other one's out. Get out of here with that time.
SPEAKER_01:I'm gonna go with I'm gonna go with the pumpkin head. Only because the scarecrow, I think of straw and scratchy and itchy.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, that did come to mind, but there's just too, there's too many variable variables with just random pumpkin head. That could mean any type of person's attached to that pumpkin head. No, there's no person attached to it. It's just a pinky head. Oh, just the pumpkin head. Okay, I'm switching my answer.
SPEAKER_01:It's just a pumpkin head. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:We're thinking, we're imagining these are mythical creatures that are real. Yeah, I was thinking like a pumpkin head on like a body. No. Like, you know, or something like that. Like a scary movie, a real pumpkin head person. Like Sleepy Hollow. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah, definitely that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I can they can do a thing or two with my pumpkins. Okay. But if it's just a pumpkin head, it doesn't have hands. So they might oh it's a person.
SPEAKER_03:It's a pumpkin head person. Oh, okay. See? Well, you know what? I'm I'm The Scarecrow just has the straw for hands. And that's okay. Now we're back to pumpkin head on a person.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, great. So I was thinking about the right way. There we go. You know what? Let's just go with the threesome with both of them.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, there we go. Just yeah. Try why not? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Try them on both.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. Just you know, why not both? All right. New erotica kinks and cocktails novel coming soon. Ooh, we should do that.
SPEAKER_03:We'll get on that. Somebody make a uh could somebody please uh go ahead and make us some artwork this pumpkin head person and a scarecrow and a chick. Yeah, Teresa. There we go. Does that seem like too much? Maybe. I love it. I'll get on it. It's it's on it's on theme for the time of years.
SPEAKER_01:It is. I'll get on it before Halloween.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Next one. Would you rather have your partner smell like pumpkin smice? Pumpkin pumpkin smice. Pumpkin spice or uh caramel apple cider.
SPEAKER_03:Caramel apple cider or pumpkin spice. I feel like the scent of pumpkin spice is nice. Probably that. Yeah. Although although that would be really weird. Can you imagine? Like, is it all over their body? Is it a perfume they're wearing or a cologne?
SPEAKER_01:I'm imagining like a perfume cologne sort of deal.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's what I think.
SPEAKER_03:Why not both?
SPEAKER_01:Why not both? Spritz here, spritz there. So for me, I guess I decided if it's a male partner, I'd say pumpkin spice.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And it's a female identifying.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Perfect. Like axe body spray.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. That's just my preference. If it's like a not axe, so no. It was like. But if it's like a female identifying partner, then more of like caramel apple sweetness. Like the sweetness.
SPEAKER_03:Yes. Gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So like male, like spice. Plus the apples. Yeah, the female. Got the apples. Give me the apples. Oh, baby, oh baby. Yeah. Whoo. Okay. One more last one. If you're stuck inside with somebody, would you rather have sex while it's raining or by a crackling fire over in a fireplace? Why not both? That's what I said. Like that.
SPEAKER_03:Why are you making me decide? Why are you making me choose? All right, agreed. Raining next to a fire? That sounds way better. Right. Don't choose. Just have both. Perfect. Don't make me choose. Rude. That's gonna be my new thing if I ever play that game at a party. What? Would you rather? Every answer. Why not both? Both. That should be a rule though.
SPEAKER_01:Like you're not allowed to choose both. But you know what? That was the last one. We're gonna do both. Okay, perfect. All right. So should we get on with some stories?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, let's do it.
SPEAKER_01:Do you want to go first? Do you want me to cut her?
SPEAKER_03:I've got a nice, you know, short and sweet one that we can start with. Sure. I wanted to start with this one because this person that wrote in is actually from St. Paul, Minnesota. Shout out. And they gave their name. First name, anyways. You know, everybody can try to find this person if they'd like to.
SPEAKER_01:They wanted to be not anonymous?
SPEAKER_03:Nope, not anonymous, but their name is you'll you'll just have to see.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:So, dear show. I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by covering myself in pumpkin spice latte foam. Like a human PSL. As in pumpkin spice latte. Cute idea, right? Except it burned. Cinnamon and cracks. It should never be. Ended up soaking in a lukewarm bath, smelling like a Yankee candle while he sat there sipping the latte I ruined. He's just chilling. Yeah. Wow. Autumn won me zero. And that is from Steve in St. Paul.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, Steve.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I was like, I think it's okay to give his first or his or her, however you identify their the first name because that's an extremely common name. It is. Thanks, Steve. Appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01:Steve in St. Paul. Thank you. Um, I'm curious how long ago this was. Do you still smell like pumpkin spice?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:If you could actually send a follow-up and write into the show and let us know, we'd like to know how that ended up.
SPEAKER_01:Do you want to meet up? Can I smell you?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Oh yeah. And then we can we can hit him with the why not both.
SPEAKER_01:Why not both? Take out for a caramel latte. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03:Also, if there if cinnamon was in that was that big of a problem, they must use a lot.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You know? Right. So yeah, that's uh that's a lot.
SPEAKER_01:Oh boy. Oh, I hope you're doing okay, Steve.
SPEAKER_03:Mm-hmm. Um, all right. Yeah, more power to you. You had a good time, hopefully. I love how your partner's just chilling, enjoying the latte. I know. That's that's actually the best part of the whole story. I just imagine legs crossed, pinky out, sinking the lobby.
SPEAKER_01:Maybe they were enjoying the show.
SPEAKER_03:Nice. All right. All right.
SPEAKER_01:Next one. Yeah. Hey, kinks and cocktails. So last fall, I went to Corn Maze with my boyfriend. We thought it would be fun and romantic, but of course he charged ahead, got way too competitive about finding the exit, and left me wandering alone. I'm walking in circles when I literally bump into this married couple. She was gorgeous, he was tall, both of them had this flirty energy. We started joking about being lost together in the maze. And one thing led to another. Suddenly I was pinned between the corn stalks with her kissing me and him sliding his hand up my thigh. It was hot, dirty, the stalks were scratching at my back, and I was trying to stay quiet while people walked by just a few rows away. I can even hear my boyfriend just a few rows away calling my name, trying to look for me, just as the guy was taking me from behind and I was sucking on her amazingly pierced nipples. Oh my goodness. We went right, we did it right there in the maze. And when it was over, I pulled myself together, found my boyfriend at the exit, and he had no idea what I just done. Wow, scandalous to this day. Scandalous. Uh-huh. He still doesn't know. I cheated on him with a married couple in the corn maze. I mean, maybe he shouldn't have ran ahead ahead of me in the first place. Love the stories, love the pod, love you all. From Anonymous. Seriously, don't say my name.
SPEAKER_03:From seriously, don't say my name. Now I want to know.
unknown:I can't.
SPEAKER_03:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:That's something. The the first question that came to mind though is the pinned against corn stalks. I was wondering about that too. Like, how was that?
SPEAKER_01:Was it like sometimes they have the wooden like uh stakes against them to keep them up or yeah, like if there's only a few or something.
SPEAKER_03:This is like it's a field.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:Maybe you know, they they've got some some mutated corn stocks that I'm unaware of out there.
SPEAKER_01:It was against a scarecrow.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know. Yeah. Absolutely. Why not both? It was a foresome. Corn and scarecrows. It was a foursome.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:But yeah, very scandalous. Wow. Yeah. Well, um, you know, I hope everything works out in the end on that one. Cause it sounds like uh there's a lot to unpack there.
SPEAKER_01:I don't like the how the boyfriend's like very childish, like, I'm gonna beat you. They're the corn maze. Like, come on, shouldn't this like be a fun?
SPEAKER_03:I mean, that sounds like something I would do.
SPEAKER_01:Maybe, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:But Mike would also do that, and then and then we'd, you know, it would just be fine. We just have to sort it out at the end. So who can lose each other fastest?
SPEAKER_01:Okay, yeah, yeah, that can be fun. But it sounded like if she did this, maybe I'm just getting a vibe from this cattooed that I don't know. Yeah, yep.
SPEAKER_03:Time to move on. Go ahead. All right. So, so interestingly enough, you did talk about haunted houses. I know we're not getting into the scary Halloween stuff, but I just this one is is just really great. It's a little bit longer, too. Okay, all right. So, hi there. We went to one of those big haunted house attractions, fog machines, screaming teenagers, chainsaws. You get it. My guy leaned in and whispered that it would be hot to sneak into a dark corner. I was already wet just from the thrill of it. So I said yes. We pressed against a wall, kissing hard, his hand sliding up my sweater. And you called it, and then a clown jumped out mid-make out. Shut up! Uh, you can't make this up. You said that, I was like, oh goodness. Yep. I screamed with his dick halfway out. Mm-hmm. Total mood killer, except the clown just tilted his head and said, Don't let me interrupt. My guy looked at me, I looked at him, and suddenly it was so much hotter.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my god!
SPEAKER_03:The fear, the risk, the ridiculousness of it. We bolted out of the maze and ran into the car. And by the time we got home, I couldn't get my jeans off fast enough. Honestly, I've never come that fast in my life. The haunted house wasn't scary, but what happened after? Terrifyingly good.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I'm I'm without speech. I'm speechless. So even I do not share these short stories together before we record. I know some people are not gonna believe us right now, but I swear to God.
SPEAKER_03:Same thing happened last time. I was like, you cannot make this stuff up. That's why you were like, when I was seeing the clown stuff, you're like, I was like, oh. Oh my god. Really? So also this this even makes the story this makes the story even better. This is from Kayla in Dublin, Ireland. So I don't know what they're doing over there, but uh, you know, Dublin water. Can I have a piece? I don't know. So what they got. So we're going to Dublin. If all it takes is a scary clown, geez, I'm in. Although I don't know if Mike would be, but we'll see.
SPEAKER_01:I will take a sip to that. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I need some uh I have there's so many um ideas of more erotic novels to write now for us. This is great. There you go. And that one will be uh dedicated to who was it?
SPEAKER_03:That is Kayla from Dublin, Ireland. Thanks, Kayla.
SPEAKER_01:Dublin, though that novel will be dedicated to you.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, okay. I digress. Million dollar idea. Sexy haunted house.
SPEAKER_01:There we go.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, oh, oh I don't know how it's gonna work. Just just putting it out there into the universe. Oh TMC.
SPEAKER_01:That's a lot of uh yeah, that's a lot of uh waivers to be signed. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You know what? You're right, never mind.
SPEAKER_01:Hey, things like that exist already, but moving on here. Pumpkin patch flash. Hey, hello, hi there. Love it. My boyfriend and I went to a pumpkin patch, and I thought it'd be funny to take a naughty fall photo. I wasn't wearing panties under my skirt, and he dared me to sit spread across this giant ass pumpkin. He snapped the pick, and right at that second, a group of teenagers walked by and saw everything. I've never moved so fast in my life. My boyfriend still has the picture, though, and it's my favorite fall hobby. They all caught a good glance, if you know what I mean. From teenage.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, picks or didn't happen.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, no.
SPEAKER_03:I had to just, yeah, they got a glance. What's what was that?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, just just you took that risk. You took that risk. You knew the risk you took.
SPEAKER_01:Yep, you knew what you signed up for. Well, well, I hope it was a very sexy photo for for you and your partner. That's that's adorable. That is adorable. These things happen.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, they happen, you know? Totally. Yes. So I wanted to go with this next one because it's all it's also from the UK.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Which is very interesting to me. They're doing some freaky stuff over there.
SPEAKER_01:Apparently.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Again, can I have some of what's in your water? That'd be great. Yes. So uh, so dear hosts, I thought it'd be spicy to pour warm cider warm apple cider on my husband's chest during play. Didn't think about how sticky it gets. He yelped. We laughed so hard. Emphasis on hard. And we ended up rolling around like candle candied apples. The sheets were a nightmare, but we didn't stop giggling, honestly. Best sex we'd had in months. Megan from Bath, England. Oh. So that that tracks. I mean, like Yeah. Yeah. I mean, especially if it's like something really pure apple cider that's really thick, you know? Yeah. So yeah, that's gonna be too.
SPEAKER_01:And also rolling around in the sheets with a sticky uh no, thank you. I mean, I've seen it all.
SPEAKER_03:Have you ever uh side side note? Have you ever been to Bath England? No, I have. How was it? It is amazing. Yeah, so I used to live in London. Uh-huh. Went up to Bath England. It's one of the most beautiful places. I know you used to live there. Cool. Awesome. And uh so what I when I saw that, I was like, oh, it's just the nostalgia. I bet. The Roman baths there. It's just there's so much old architecture, it's amazing. So it's obviously nothing to do with their kink, but whatever.
SPEAKER_01:No, that's really cool. No, England is definitely on my bucket list. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I want to go back to you. Well, you can tell me uh some things about England and I'll tell you things about Amsterdam. There we go.
SPEAKER_03:Excellent. I'm in.
SPEAKER_01:All right, ready for the next story?
SPEAKER_03:Let's do it.
SPEAKER_01:Hey K and C. I was hooking up with a guy during a local barn dance. We snuck away into the loft upstairs, which is right above the dance floor, and he bent me over the railing. It was hot as hell. But halfway through, some straw fell down onto the dance floor below us, onto the people dancing. People looked up and saw me getting pounded from behind, right above them, bent over the railing. We moved away and out of sight as quickly as we could, but people definitely saw us. I tried to stay quiet with his hand over my mouth as we kept going over a nearby desk that was out of view. But that was the best orgasm I've ever had while wearing cowboy boots. Thanks for reading Jess from Kentucky.
SPEAKER_03:That's hot.
SPEAKER_01:While we're so I had to read that a second time. The last part is like, wait a minute. That was the best orgasm I've had ever had while wearing cowboy boots. This hasn't this was not the first time.
SPEAKER_03:Well, do it not also not the best orgasm, just the one that she's had wearing cowboy boots. In the boots. Yep, yep. You gotta you gotta read the small prints on the boots. Uh-huh. I caught that. And I was like, wait a minute. How often do you wear the boots? Yeah. How often are you wearing the boots? Or is that the you know, is it just that you have a better orgasm other ways?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't know. Who knows? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Cowboy boots sometimes do it for you. Yeah, boot scoot and boogie.
SPEAKER_01:Love it.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, awesome. All right, so uh, let's see. Yeah, let's go to this one. And okay, I love this one because of how it starts. As soon as I start reading it, it's just it's it's very interesting. Okay. Dear esteemed panel is what they wrote. Oh, yes. I'm I'll take it. Cool, sounds great. It was meant to be romantic, rolling naked in a pile of freshly raked leaves. Nature, beauty, raw passion. Except no one told me about the spiders. Also, your common sense failed you, sir. I am so sorry.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And I do know this is a guy that wrote this in. So uh, raw passion. Okay, except no one told me about the spiders, or that the leaves itch like fiberglass. I don't know what kind of leaves these are, but hey, my lover bolted. I broke out in hives, and my neighbors caught us through their upstairs window. Autumn is ruined forever. And that is from his nightly self. I don't know what that was about. First of all. I don't know which, first of all, to start with.
SPEAKER_01:First of all.
SPEAKER_03:First of all. Well, also, let me tell you this is from Australia. Okay. I got a couple of international ones. I was like, I'm gonna go, yeah. Melbourne, Australia is shiny self. Love Dear Esteemed Pan.
SPEAKER_01:I love that we're an esteemed panel. I love all of the wording. I love it. Thank you. Yeah. I love it. That was great. My second of all was um, I'm sorry, sir, but the leaves you didn't think would be itchy and full of bugs.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, you live in Australia. Oh God. That's why I'm like, You're right. What are you doing with your life?
SPEAKER_01:All of all of everything I've seen from Australia, the giant ass spiders and the bugs.
SPEAKER_03:It's always nope. I mean, I feel like I feel like you this person might be living under a bit of a rock, you know, and doesn't know that there's huge spots.
SPEAKER_01:They live in Australia. Spiders. I don't even I've never even been to Australia and I know about Australia.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, and the bugs.
SPEAKER_01:You need more you Neosporin is no. I'm not gonna do it.
SPEAKER_03:I know that's that's that's a joke, right? Put that on your owie when you get one in Australia. Not gonna say not gonna cut it. You need a little something a little stronger. Oh god. All right. Wow. Well I hope they're okay. I don't know. Well, I mean, they were able to write an electricity. Yes, I'm glad you're okay. Yeah, I'm glad you're okay.
SPEAKER_01:Maybe they're immune to these Australian huge spiders. Yeah. Nice. All right, keep those over there, please. Yes. All right, moving on. Hey, kinks and cocktails. Okay, so this was back in college, and I was wild, slutty, and unapologetic. One night I snuck into a pumpkin patch with three guys I barely knew. It was dark, quiet, and perfect for some chaos. We found one of those wooden pumpkin character cutouts with holes in it. The ones you pop your head into for a silly picture.
SPEAKER_03:I like where this is going.
SPEAKER_01:This one had a pumpkin, a scarecrow, and a candy corn. And well, let's just say it became a very creative glory hole situation.
SPEAKER_03:Oh no.
SPEAKER_01:I went back and forth, which means all I went back and forth between all three holes, not knowing who was who until they were all finished. Oh my gosh! Wow. I was giggling and laughing the entire time, and they ended up giving me a ridiculous nickname that stuck for the rest of the semester. The Pumpkin Queen. I won't lie, I was a messy, kind of slutty girl in college, but honestly, no regrets. Every time I see one of those cutouts now, I smile and I have to take a picture in one.
SPEAKER_03:Oh goodness.
SPEAKER_01:From the pumpkin queen.
SPEAKER_03:Oh man, I want to meet the pumpkin queen. That sounds lit.
SPEAKER_01:Get it, girl.
SPEAKER_03:Just just live vicariously through the pumpkin queen. Right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Please write in more stories if you have more pumpkin queen.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I mean, maybe, maybe if enough people write in and request that the pumpkin queen tell us more stories.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, please.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, please dedicate a whole show to pumpkin queens.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. And have you on as a guest? Oh, I love that though. I'm never, you know what I neither will I look at one of those cutout things the same way again. Never. Now I'm just gonna see a glory hole. Yep.
SPEAKER_03:If you and I already gathered would like, hey, hey guys, look at look at a glory hole. And you're like, what are you talking about? I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Should we go take a picture?
SPEAKER_03:What kind of picture? Oh, take it away, Eve. Okay, so so I have I have another one, but it's short. It is also about a corn maze, but I'm saving the best for last. Okay. So yeah. So hey guys, tried to get frisky with my girl in a corn maze, found a quiet spot, pants came off, and boom, families with flashlights walked right up because we were two feet from the exit sign. Nothing kills a boner like a dad yelling, This is for the kids, man. Now my girlfriend won't even eat popcorn around me.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03:From Brandon. That's just just Brandon.
SPEAKER_01:Well, to Brandon and everybody else in the who did it in the corn phases.
SPEAKER_03:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it is a family-friendly place, but I get it. But like Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Come on. Again, I feel like common sense has left this person. I get the excitement. Yeah. I get it. It's like, you know, being outside in public. Okay, I get it. It's exciting. Might get caught. Oh no, but pick a different place, man.
SPEAKER_01:You know what? I guess maybe I I I'm liking the pumpkin queen more and more. Yeah. They snuck into one of these places at night after they were closed.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly.
SPEAKER_03:No, don't we don't condone crime on this show. You do you do it yourself. I'm like silent. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:All right, moving on. So all right, next one is also about a cornfield maze. Wait, yeah, I'm into it. So, hi everyone. Back in high school, my boyfriend and I went to a corn maze in the middle of it. He decided it was the perfect time to break up with me. It was raining, the ground was muddy, and we were slipping around trying to get out as fast as we can.
SPEAKER_03:Oh no.
SPEAKER_01:We spent 45 minutes wandering in circles, stopping through puddles, getting soaked and filthy, yelling at each other the entire time. Every time we thought we were close to the exit, we ended up back at the same dead end. Oh, lovely. So we think staff and security was watching us on the cameras because eventually they came and found us. We think they saw that we were miserable, yelling and screaming at each other for about an hour. As soon as we got to the exit, I stormed off, went to my car, really pissed, and just left him there. Wow. After all was said and done. Yeah. After all was said and done. I'm so happy he broke up with me. He was a total jerk. Be here, be careful who you get lost in a corn maze with from Anonymous.
SPEAKER_03:I like that. Be careful who you get lost in a corn maze with. Yeah. You might end up in a horror movie. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. You know what? This what a shitty boyfriend. Hey, we're in the middle of this corn maze. I'm gonna break up with you now. Like what? Yeah, I'm gonna break up with you. See ya, dips. That's when you split in the corn maze and go your own way. Oh yeah. That's when you're wrong way.
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:See ya. I'm so glad you're just like, you know what? I'm out of here. Find your own way home. Wow. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:See you later.
SPEAKER_01:Oh man.
SPEAKER_03:What a jerk. All right. So are we ready?
SPEAKER_01:Go for it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, right. I say this for last. It's a little bit longer, but it's about Thanksgiving. Okay. You know, I guess it's technically in fall.
SPEAKER_01:It's still fall.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's still fall-ish. Yeah. Not in Minnesota. It's mostly winter by then. Uh so yo, after Friendsgiving, a few of us were tipsy and joking around about pilgrim and harvest girls. Uh or harvest girl roleplay. One thing led to another, and suddenly it wasn't just a joke. Clothes came off, and what was supposed to be a silly turned into the dirtiest, hottest threesome I've ever had. Oh. Go on. The smell of roasted turkey still in the air, bodies tangled on the couch, cranberry sauce smeared on skin. It was messy, loud, and absolutely perfect. At one point, someone actually fed me stuffing while I was getting railed. And I nearly blacked out from pleasure. Okay, alright. Again, I'll have some of what she's having. Yeah. Gotta say. We thought it would be awkward the next morning, but instead it's become a new tradition. Every friend's giving sense, we do the feast, then we feast on each other. Now, that's a really great story, but I'm gonna tell you why I picked this one for last. Why? Because of the name that they sent along with their entry.
SPEAKER_01:What?
SPEAKER_03:Their tagline is Spicy Gravy69. Oh. Oh. Yeah. All right. Nice. Nancy.
SPEAKER_01:I smell a little another erotic novel with Thanksgiving theme coming up. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Another guest. We're gonna hey you guys welcome Spicy Gravy69 to the show.
SPEAKER_01:Love it.
SPEAKER_03:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:That is wow. Again, I'm without speech. The cranberry sauce everywhere. The turkey gravy.
SPEAKER_03:I'm I mean, I'm just thinking about Thanksgiving coming up. Oh I mean, like, what am I gonna do now?
SPEAKER_01:Oh no. Now I've just said uh one one way thought. Yep, exactly. I want to get stuffed relating stuffing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. Except I don't like stuffing, so we could just do something else.
SPEAKER_01:Wait, that's a lot of new uh merch ideas.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my gosh, a whole like Thanksgiving merch line based on this one story.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, stuff lighting stuffing.
SPEAKER_03:One of them just says spicy gravy 69 on the front. No big water like what's that?
SPEAKER_01:If you know, you know. Exactly. All right, Thanksgiving. Love it. That is a thanksgiving indeed. Yes, thank you, spicy graving for giving. All right, my one last one too. Hi kink family. So my boyfriend and I rented this adorable cabin in the woods last fall. Total romantic getaway vibes. Cozy fire, warm cider, string lights on the porch, and plenty of wine. Around midnight, we hear this deep growl outside. We freeze. I'm like, is that a bear? Being the brave boys, we are, or we thought that we were trying to press one another. We were still in the honeymoon phase. We decided to check it out together. We grab the flashlight and step outside, and nothing but matching novelty, lumberjack in training, male thongs that we thought just for the trip.
SPEAKER_03:What? Wait, wait, wait. Okay, okay. All right. You keep going out while I process that information. What?
SPEAKER_01:The door closes. We hear a click and it's locked. Phones, keys, everything are still inside. And we can't even get in the car. Oh my god. Because of course the keys are inside in my bag. So we're out there in the cold, wearing only thongs and in full panic mode, trying to figure out how to get back inside. That's when we remember the ring doorbell camera. Hoping the owner of the Airbnb was still awake. We figured we would give it a shot.
SPEAKER_03:Nice.
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, we had to wave and shout, Hi, sorry, but we're locked out. We're not burglars. We rented this place last night. Can you please let us back in? At the camera, all in our thongs, under the until the owner answered through the app about 10 minutes later.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my.
SPEAKER_01:She unlocked the smart lock remotely, and we had to do the world's most humiliating walk of shame back inside the cabin. The bear that we thought we had we heard is a raccoon knocking over the trash bin. We learned our lesson for next time. Yeah. Thanks for all that you do. We just discovered you and are binging away. Say hello to Bianca for us from Evan and Luke. Oh. Oh, thank you for writing in Evan and Luke, but wait, oh no. Uh oh. I just they just discovered us, and they're saying hi to Bianca, who is our old sex doll mascot. They don't know what happened to her yet. Oh no. Well, I'm not gonna spoil it for them. They'll find out soon enough. Yeah. I'll I'll I'll give her your best. Oh my gosh. Anyway, so the story. I wish I had a partner who'd wear matching underwear with me.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's adorable.
SPEAKER_03:Love it. Wow. That's that is great. What did this what did this what did they say again on the Speedos?
SPEAKER_01:Um there we're called novelty lumberjack in training thongs. Lumberjack in training.
SPEAKER_03:I'm picturing like a like a plaid like sounds super cute. Oh man, I want some plaid thongs now. Right? Drinking some wine, like yeah, matching, matching bra, fireplace, raining. Yeah, done deal. Yeah, absolutely. Uh-huh. Goodness. Let's book the trip, Eve. Book it. Book it indeed. I I mean, I'm just curious what the uh owner of that Airbnb is thinking about this whole situation, you know?
SPEAKER_01:Like so funny. They're like walk of shame back into their own cabin.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Also, that trash panda. Thank you. Thank you for your thank you for your service. Right?
SPEAKER_01:So you can get these people outside for this great story. It's always the trash pandas.
SPEAKER_03:Always the trash pandas. Always. They're so cute though. I know.
SPEAKER_01:They are. You know, they really are.
SPEAKER_03:So cute. They're adorable. Awesome. Well, that was all I had for story. So yeah. Me too. I think that's it. Awesome.
SPEAKER_01:This was fun, Eve.
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely. This was great. Especially since now, you know, I put five pounds on by eating candy corn the last few minutes here.
SPEAKER_01:I was gonna say, now we're gonna go finish the rest of these shots.
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01:And all of this candy corn and pretzel bites and fake cheese.
SPEAKER_03:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01:That sounds like a sexcapade story within itself.
SPEAKER_03:Sexcapades. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You'll hear it next time. Behind the scenes. Absolutely. Maybe it'll be on Patreon. If you want to join Patreon for a dollar a month, you can do so at patreon.com/slash kinks and cocktails. All the good behind the scenes stuff on there.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:May or not be some fake cheese candy corn business going on. Wingunch nudge.
SPEAKER_03:Which yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01:But if you want to send in your sexcapade stories about anything you want, just put it in a subject line. We'll find it. We're doing Halloween next. Um, we're also doing first date fails. So if anything you want to send, go ahead. You can remain anonymous or not. Kingsandcocktails.com or kingsandcocktails at gmail.com. Um, if you want to, it would really help us out. Rate us five stars wherever you listen. It really does help us out so, so, so, so much. But I think that's it. Thank you so much for being here, Eve. Absolutely. It was a pleasure. As always. All right. Bye, everyone. Looking for a new space to sing, sip, and maybe get a little spicy? Say hello to Nikita Zubarev, Minneapolis's own karaoke king and real estate pro who brings the fun to finding your next home. Whether you're searching for a cozy condo, a bold new batcher pad, or just somewhere with enough room for all of your activities, Nikita's got you. He's smart, responsive, and makes the entire process feel more like a party rather than a paperwork pile. House hunting can be stressful, but with Nikita, it's high vibes, good energy, and maybe a killer karaoke duet along the way. Need space for themed rooms, more storage for your favorite toys. No judgment here. Nikita's here for it. And yes, he will sing with you in your new living room. Clink, drink, and call Nikita. Your new home and your karaoke partner are waiting. Twin Cities based, you can find him on all social media at the karaoke realtor of Twin Cities, or give him a call or text at 763 373 4456. At 763 373 4456. Nikita Zubarov, Minnesota's greatest karaoke realtor.
